Why Does it Hurt My Wife When We Make Love? The Ultimate Partner Guide to Painful Intercourse
Introduction
Pain during sex, also known as dyspareunia, is a common issue that many women face. This can be incredibly challenging for couples, impacting intimacy and emotional well-being. As pelvic floor physical therapists, we frequently help patients overcome painful intercourse. This guide is designed to help partners understand the causes of this pain and provide practical solutions to support their loved ones.
Understanding Painful Intercourse
Causes of Pelvic Floor Muscle Tension
Pelvic floor muscle tension is a primary cause of pain during intercourse. This tension can arise from various factors, including:
Mental or Emotional Stress: Stress, anxiety, and past trauma can contribute to pelvic floor muscle tightness.
Physical Factors: Overuse injuries, hormonal changes (such as those during pregnancy or menopause), and physical trauma can lead to muscle spasm.
Nutritional and Hydration Status: Poor nutrition and dehydration can exacerbate muscle tension.
Understanding these factors is crucial in addressing and alleviating pain during intercourse.
Emotional and Mental Health Factors
The Impact of Emotional Trauma
Emotional and mental health play a significant role in sexual function. Past trauma, such as adverse childhood experiences or sexual abuse, can lead to chronic pelvic pain. Additionally, high-stress levels from demanding jobs or significant life events, like pregnancy or childbirth, can also contribute.
The Vicious Cycle of Pain and Tension
Pain leads to more muscle clenching, which in turn increases pain, creating a vicious cycle. This cycle can significantly reduce sexual desire and make intercourse more painful over time. It is essential to break this cycle by addressing both the physical and emotional aspects of pain.
Supporting Your Partner
Honoring Your Partner's Needs
The most crucial step in helping your partner is to honor their needs and allow them to take their time to get comfortable. Encouraging a relaxed state of mind and body is essential. This may involve creating a soothing environment, engaging in non-sexual physical intimacy, and being patient.
Physical Factors and Solutions
Learning to Relax the Pelvic Floor Muscles
Sometimes, the solution involves teaching your partner how to relax their pelvic floor muscles. Techniques such as yoga, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can be beneficial. Encourage your partner to engage in these activities regularly, especially before attempting intercourse.
Using the Right Lubricant
Inadequate lubrication is a common cause of pain during sex. This is especially true for postpartum women or those nearing menopause. When choosing a lubricant, avoid those with warming, tingling, or scented properties, as well as those containing glycerin/glycerol, which can lead to infections.
Water-Based Lubricants: Products like Slippery Stuff are effective but may require reapplication during sex.
Silicone-Based Lubricants: Options like Uberlube last longer but cannot be used with silicone toys.
The Importance of Foreplay
Foreplay is crucial, particularly if the pain occurs during initial penetration. Activities like clitoral stimulation or using a finger or toy can help relax the outer pelvic floor muscles and improve blood flow. This prepares the body for penetration, reducing pain.
Trying Different Positions
Changing positions can also alleviate pain. Allow your partner to take control and find positions that are most comfortable for them. This might involve experimenting with different angles and depths of penetration and taking breaks when necessary.
Seeking Professional Help
When to See a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist
If pain persists despite trying these strategies, it's crucial to seek professional help. A pelvic floor physical therapist specializes in diagnosing and treating pelvic pain. They can provide personalized exercises, manual therapy, and other interventions to help alleviate pain.
Conclusion
Understanding and addressing the causes of painful intercourse can significantly improve intimacy and emotional well-being for both partners. By honoring your partner's needs, using appropriate physical techniques, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can support your partner in overcoming pain during sex.
For more information or to schedule an evaluation with our Board Certified Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists, visit our website or contact us today. We are here to help you achieve the best possible outcomes for your pelvic health.
Written by:
Dr. Jana Richardson, PT, DPT, WCS, PRPC, CIDN
Dual Board Certified Pelvic Floor Therapist and Owner of Chicago Pelvic Health
Dr. Jana Richardson is a highly accomplished pelvic floor therapist with dual board certifications and extensive experience in treating complex pelvic floor dysfunctions. As the owner of Chicago Pelvic Health, Dr. Richardson is dedicated to providing personalized and effective care for her patients. With a Doctorate in Physical Therapy, and specialized certifications in Women’s Health and Pelvic Rehabilitation, Dr. Richardson is a leading expert in her field. She is also certified in Integrative Dry Needling, further enhancing her ability to offer comprehensive treatment plans. Dr. Richardson’s commitment to patient-centered care and her passion for helping individuals achieve optimal pelvic health make her an invaluable asset to the community.